Rambling Shenanigans

A man who as a physical being is always turned toward the outside, thinking that his happiness lies outside him, finally turns inward and discovers that the source is within him.

~Soren Kierkegaard

A couple months ago, I came across the teachings of Soren Kierkegaard in a philosophy book I was reading. I actually found this quote after finishing the Kite Runner and for some reason it has stuck with me ever since. I don’t know if it was just the underlying themes of redemption and betrayal resonating within me after reading about Afghanistan or rather just a reawakening of a different kind of feeling that allowed me to tie this Kierkegaard quote with the writings of Hosseini. All I know is something- most likely in the subconscious- must have happened.

One thing that I have truly struggled with since moving to Rutherfordton is the ability to “be that self which one truly is.” Conditioned to worry about society's needs and wants, I have been presenting an image that everyone wants me to be, which tends to make me seem a lot more conceited and arrogant than I really am (sorry guys!). However, instead of fulfilling this prophesy from society, I intend to take a different approach. An optimistic "Sarah Coyne" approach. Here are some of the things I have pondered & reflected upon these past couple of months: 

Not trying to sound nostalgic and apprehensive or upset with graduating and moving on to college, the idea of forever friends for many fades. And it’s not only an epiphany that you didn’t like the person anymore. Time places a burden on friendships. 

I am grateful that I keep in contact with Medina friends, and I know that the bond we once had will never be as strong, distance squashed many remnants of my Medina experience. I know a lot of people from Rutherfordton. We plan to keep many of the friendships we currently. This is great. This also takes a lot of work. Though this post is stringing together new formed insights, it shows what I have learned while living here as well. Hopefully this post can shed light about me and my personal circumstances. 

Currently, I am done savoring and remembering every morsel of every cliché that amounts to happiness. Though I have talked about that a lot within my blogs (achieving happiness), I find myself struggling with the simple notion of how to attain this bliss. I decided that maybe if I unveiled a little bit of myself through what I have personally learned from experience, hopefully it can help unite a source for understanding and achieving some form of contentment for me and for others around:

These past two years have been difficult. No lie. A lot has to do with living in the type of community in the midwest and partially coming to the realization that I am going to have to make a very important choice about my future. Do I develop myself in college, or do I rebel and leave those “securities” and “comforts” behind? I think at this point a lot of what children that are growing up and becoming adults deal with is the scary reality that  dreams and wishful thinking come do at a cost, and dreams are attained with a cost. Once we realize this, we have to decide how much we’re going to pay. We have to put in effort in order to reach our goals.

 

Referring to Robert Frost’s poem “Road Not Taken” there are choices we must make that will not be easy or comforting. Many of the choices we make will be hard and possibly unsatisfactory to our standards. I am killing the American dream right now, but sometimes the only way to see life objectively is to become a realist. However, remaining a realist and looking at everything in a “so it goes” way doesn’t really lead to much great success either. I know a lot of people do not believe in the “leap of faith” and it’s alright if you don’t, I’m still meddling around in that arena as well. But faith doesn’t have to mean a religious leap or testament. The standards can be whatever you want. The purpose of a leap is to stretch, to expand out of the confines and do it, and this, in a sense, IS the American Dream; a leap of faith. 

That’s why it is important to have finite goals. What’s the point of living if the mere source of your existence is complacency? I must admit that I have been there and senior year for many firmly attests this, but remember the inner-self, the inner-connection, and using what you’ve learned productively. I am an avid believer in helping others and I think it is extremely important to give back. Not only does it humble oneself but it provides the true understanding of humanity, something so many of us have forgotten over the years in our quest to be totally in-tune with ourselves and our own demands. So as I ramble and comment on random aspects of life, my main mission is to say this: 

It’s okay if you’re wrong some days and right on others. It’s understandable if you change your beliefs, so long as you know in that point in your life you know and feel that that choice is best for you. These traits of going between spheres of influence does not make one a hypocrite, it makes each and every one of us human. Redeem yourself, attempt to prosper, learn many things, and use those teachings in a dynamic and helpful way.